Matthew Collins, 38, from Wales has an incurable brain cancer called glioblastoma. He received the news on Oct 16, 2023, that not only turned his whole life apart, but also made him question everything that he has had.

“Most of my adult life I have suffered with depression and a crippling anxiety that until now I had put down to my downtrodden Welshness and my love of the Manics. Now I know it is also because I have had a little neighbour upstairs, pushing my melancholy buttons.”

“I’ve spent years poring over my own perceived futility of life, finding no value and worth in anything, and I have been wishing for death at times just for the emptiness to end. I’ve thought about making it happen on more than a few occasions but always lacked conviction because the love I have for my parents and what it would do to them overrides everything.”

Reflecting on everything backwards, Matthew choses to not dwell onto self-blame, rather write a heartwarming letter to his loved ones.

“My mental state contributed to the destruction of my marriage to one of the most amazing people in the world, Aimee, who I have missed every single day for more than two years now.”

“Aimee, we’ve never publicly acknowledged our separation, but I’m so grateful that I met you at Swansea University and got to share the next 15 years of my life with you. I have so many memories of our time together that I will cherish forever. You tried so hard with me for so long and I’m sorry for what happened and that we grew apart. I wish you nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world. You’re a beautiful person and it was a pleasure to be in your life for so long. Thank you for putting up with my moods and my decisions; or more often, the lack of being able to make any. I hope you can forgive me.”

“This past year or two, I was starting to try and get my mind and my life back on track: I’d completed a year of psychological help, started taking antidepressants and medication to help my anxiety, made a conscious effort to see and do more with my friends – making new ones along the way, including my lovely friend Melissa, who went through the most traumatic of experiences imaginable and who taught me so much about patience, strength and resilience.”

“I got my first job as a freelance copywriter with the Black Country Living Museum, and I was looking forward to buying my first home later this year in Cardiff. Most importantly, this summer I’d started spending time with my favourite little human, my luminary, Claire.”

“It was Claire’s nagging for me to get back to hospital after my stroke that led to the tumour being found. Without her, I’d more than likely be already dead because of the amount of swelling and pressure they found in my head. So, I actually owe her my life, what’s left of it.”

“Thank you for being by my side when I’ve been all strokey and a tumour-ridden, emotional mess. I know this has been an awful journey and in an ideal world neither of us would have chosen how this all unfolded, but you’re here now. When it mattered most. You’ve been so kind to me, and I’ve not always deserved your kindness, but I am forever grateful. I’m sorry that we now probably won’t get to have the life we’d hoped for; a simple little one, by the seaside. But I really do hope you can in the future still. You deserve it. In the meantime, I hope we can make the most of whatever is left.”

“According to the statistics, most people live on average for 12-18 months, but I don’t know exactly how long I’ll have left, or what state of health I’ll be in as the cancer eats away at my body. Eventually, it will invade the part of my brain that controls my vital organs and then it will shut them off. I may lose my vision or any of my senses at any moment. So, in case I never get a chance, I want to thank my friends so it can remain here for eternity for when I’m gone.”

After writing a long note, Matthew decides to conclude it with expressing his gratitude, even to those who he doesn’t speak often.

“There are lots more people in my life I’m grateful for — everyone I go to watch Wales with. I’ve found it’s often the ones I don’t speak to so often that have hit me hardest. However wide or narrow, I’m glad our paths in life crossed. Thank you for sharing your time with me.”

“Now, I’m going to be signing off for a little while to focus on treatment and spend time with my family and friends. If I don’t get chance to catch up with you, thank you all again for your kindness and love. I really am so fortunate to have met so many amazing people during my lifetime.”

Reading this letter, which was originally shared by him, many people have come front to express their hearts towards him. One said, “Oh, Matt. I’m so unbelievably shocked and saddened to hear this news, I don’t really know what to say? This is a beautiful piece of writing. I’m sending you all my love and support and wish you nothing but the best for your ongoing treatment. Enjoy your time with those you hold dear – it sounds like you’re surrounded by love and fantastic people. x”

Someone else said, “You don’t know me, I’m a stranger I but read about you this evening. I have donated and am standing absolutely by your side, willing you to get through this with no doubt hundreds of thousands of people who are also strangers, but are rooting for you all the same. Life is so unbelievably unfair at times; you’re clearly made of good stuff and don’t deserve any of this. I will follow your updates and keep sharing your appeal. Sending love and warm wishes.”

Matthew started sharing his journey post-diagnosis alongside a Gofundme page, where he is currently seeking donations for a vaccine that isn’t available on the NHS but has the chances of doubling his survival rates.

“Treatment options are very limited, but there is a vaccine (Dc-VaxL) that is showing promise in the field of immunology, doubling survival rates and, in the case of some people, prolonging their lives in years rather than months, which is sadly all the current treatments of radiotherapy and chemotherapy can offer for my type of cancer. Unfortunately, the vaccine isn’t available on the NHS, only privately at a cost of around £250,000. For people like me, this is unattainable.”

“I’ve spent my adult life working for charities and universities, so this sum of money is far beyond my means, and I have had to give up working because of my diagnosis. I have set up this GoFundMe page in the hope that I can raise enough money to be able to afford this life-saving vaccine. If you can help in any way, I cannot express how grateful me, my family and friends would be for giving me a fighting chance at life.”

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Sally George

Sally is a proud wife of a Welshman, editor & writer of Welsh Histories. She’s all about stories—that shout ‘anything Welsh.’ Drop her an email if you have an advice, insight, experience, or a story to share.